For Oli

Evie wore on her red long coat. She took another glance in the mirror. Her eyes are still red and puffy. She wore her hair into a ponytail and applied some lip balm on her dried lips. She exhaled slowly and stared at her deep blue eyes. She head off downstairs.

The scent of freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies hovered the air of their house. Evie found her Mom in the kitchen.


Her Mom looked up and smiled at her.

Good morning, honey! How are you feeling? I baked you some cookies! But, before you eat them, may I ask where are you going?

Evie swallowed hard. She can just come up with any excuses. But her mind was not working properly today. Maybe will never be. She was about to say an alibi when her nerves got the best of her.

To him.

The smile on her Mom’s face disappeared and tears began to form in her eyes. Before Evie can hear any word, she turned around towards the door. But her Mom called and hugged her tightly.

If this will be the only way to have you back again, then I will respect it. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, Eve. But the more you do this, the more you just can’t let go. But I love you, Eve. Whatever your decision is, we’ll be here.

Her mom kissed her head and Evie can’t stop the tears flowing out of her eyes. She kissed her mom on her cheeks and wiped away the tears.

Thank you, Mom.” She whispered.

Evie grabbed her bag and went to her car. She drove until she saw the grasses. She parked near the tree and got off the car.

Such a beautiful morning. The freshly bloomed flowers and country grasses greeted her. She took her bag and made her way across the grass field.

Evie was staring straight ahead. She has memorized the place she wanted to go. She needed to go. And when she saw it, she looked at it.

A tight smile appeared on Evie’s lips.

Hi, Oli.” She whispered.

Silence met her. The only sound she can hear for now was the rustling of the trees. She sat down and took her iPod and portable speaker out of her bag. She set the volume low and played the music.

She then took a small notebook-sized box from her bag and placed it on her lap. She opened the lid and a tear wet the envelope inside. She took it with shaking hands.

Hey, Oli. Got this one for you.” She waved the envelope and laughed, filled with sorrow and bitterness.

So, I want to read this to you for your birthday tomorrow but, you know me, I’m so excited I can’t even think straight!” She was laughing and crying at the same time. “I want to read this to you now. So, here it goes.

She opened the envelope and took the letter out. The scent of vanilla whipped her. She chose the scent she knew Oli would love. She cleared and throat and began to read.

Dear Oliver/Oli/Ol,

Happy Birthday, Love! How are you? I hope everything’s fine. I was really having a hard time writing this. You know why, right? You just can’t expect me to be better after what happened. I don’t think I will be better. Ever. But you told me, I was strong, brave, even fearless that’s why I can get with anything. You’re wrong, Oli. So wrong.” Tears were flowing to her cheeks and she was wiping them with the back of her hands. Her voice was shaking and she was sobbing.

“The day I met you, I felt instantly connected with you. With just everything. I really don’t believe in magic but when I’m with you, there was this spark in me. Cliché, right? I told myself maybe one day, I will learn to love you. Luckily, the day came. When that started, I just love everything about you.

I love the way you shyly ask my name, I love the way you stutter every time you asked me on a date, I love the way you put your hand on your neck when you’re nervous, I love the way you hold my hand and rub your thumb against my skin, I love the way you press your forehead against mine then look into my eyes and smile at me, I love the way you caress my cheeks with your thumb, I love the way you kiss me passionately, I love the way you touch me like I’m your air, I love the way you make me feel who am I, I love the way you know who I am, and so much more.

But what made me a numb person was when I just realized that the day I loved you was the day I met you.

I always feel that we are equal. Like the clock needs the batteries, questions need answers or lungs need air. The electric feelings are there, constantly. Never increasing, never decreasing.

Oli, I know you’re always there. Maybe I can’t see you but I can feel you. Truly, that is not enough but if that’s what all I get, then I will treasure it like I treasure us.

This may be ironic but please, Oli, don’t leave me. Ever. Help me to move forward because until now, I can’t see myself without you. Build me up and let me feel living again.

This letter may stop but this will not be the end. I will write to you, Oli even the simplest and shortest one. I don’t know where you are but I wish youre safe.

I love you, Oli. So much and always will.

Your dearest,


Evie held the letter to her heart and cried. She cried until her eyes went dry and her voice became hoarse. She returned the letter to the envelope and placed it back in the box.

Evie positioned herself to lay beside Oli. She was staring up in the beautiful clear blue sky and stretched her left hand, gripping the grass like it was Oli’s hand and she doesn’t want to let go.

Hey, Oli.”

White doves began to fly in the sky. It was Oli’s favorite birds.

Evie turned her head to the side and her lips met the cold grave stone of Oli. She kissed it. She smiled and prepared herself as another set of tears began to form in her eyes.

I miss you.


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