We were laying on the grass, head-to-head while our hands raised upward. We played with our finger and laughing carelessly. Then I felt like it was the right time.
I cleared my throat. “Helena, may I ask something?”
Helena’s laugh hovered the silent dome of the field. “James, you don’t have to ask for permission, you know. Shoot anything, now.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
My confidence boosted up. “Do you believe in love?” I proudly asked.
A beat passed before I heard another thunderous laugh. “Oh my god, are you serious, James? Love?”
I felt the heat reached my cheeks. I sighed and dropped my hands. “Yes.” I simply answered.
She stifled another laugh. “Alright. Well, first of all, that’s ridiculous. I mean, heart-beating fast, stumbling phrases, flushing cheeks and other related feelings? Come on! So, no, James. I don’t. In fact, I find it really ludicrous.”
I didn’t know why, but I felt a sudden twinge of annoyance. “Well, maybe you haven’t experienced it yet.” I shrugged.
I felt her stiffen. She abruptly dropped her hands. “Well, maybe I experienced it, I just don’t want to tell you. Maybe that stupid love exists, but it doesn’t want to come to me. And yeah, maybe I just don’t want to share my experience because I don’t trust you.” She stood up then.
Her words stung. It had cut me deep and hard. I didn’t know she had encountered it. But with whom? It wasn’t in my position, but I couldn’t help but to get jealous. I stood up then and took her wrist, putting her body into sudden halt.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” I tried to soften my voice.
She snatched her wrist away from my touch and turned to me. Tears flew down to her cheeks. I rushed to her to touch her cheeks, but she recoiled. I flinched. Damn, I wanted to wipe those tears. I wanted to burn all the pains that caused those tears. Instead, I clenched my fists at my sides to resist the urge to wipe them.
I was about to say something when she raised her hand. “Don’t. It’s alright. I’m such a bitch. No, you don’t have to apologize. It’s me who should. So, I’m sorry, James. For thinking in a long time that there was actually something more between…us.” She immediately ran away while my feet got stuck on the grass.
I felt my eyes widened, like saucer plates. I was so confused at this point. But there was just this one question I would love to have an answer.
Did she just admit she felt something to me?