I am married to a man who doesn’t even care I’m cheating on him. Not that it bothers me, but a man should be furious with that, right? Well, not for him. Will never be for him, I guess.
I married a woman who loves to stab my back. She even worships that habit of hers. I’m furious I can see red, but I don’t stop her. It bothers me, though. Always has.
I love him, with all honesty. I just don’t think he’ll be enough for me. I always crave for something more, something deeper, and stronger that will really tug my soul. I tried to look it out in him, but it never came.
I love her. Really love her, but maybe I don’t because I don’t stop her. I think she’s not the right one, though why can’t I file a divorce and let her go? Patience. I’m still waiting for that day I’ll be enough for her.
I breathe out the smoke and put out the fire in my cigarette. He’s just beside me, smoking. I glance at him, and I forget why I fell for this guy. “I’m going out.” I tell him. He nods and turns to me. “Got a call?” He asks and I nod. I sling my purse over my shoulder and head out to the door. Besides the clink of my heels on the marble floor, I think I hear him sigh. But maybe that’s just an imagination.
I wonder how addictive her lips and mouth will be now that the scent of cigarette invades her mouth. She looks at me and tell me she’s going out. I fight the rage I’m having. I clench my jaw and ask her, “Got a call?” And she nods. She picks her purse and turns towards the door. I sigh. Maybe that day she’ll love me, won’t come. I don’t want to stop her. It will be unfair as I’m also doing what she’s about to do. We’re just the same. Maybe we’re not really the right fit, after all the love.
I wish he’ll stop me. I wish he’ll tell me he loves me. I’ll stop, then. But not now. I can’t risk myself just looking at him all day, not knowing if this marriage is real.
I hope she’ll stop. I hope she’ll tell me she loves me. I’m looking forward to that thought. But, not today. I just let her. She seems to enjoy the lies and fun of our marriage.