26 February 2015 — 8:39pm
I am not motivated.
I have, once, faced the mirror and told the reflection this thought. Maybe due to my average grades—and I have pushed myself not to reach an average score for anything. Or maybe it is because of my longing for Milan, Italy—I have felt and embraced the lifestyle there that I think it has collided with the cultures of my country. I do not discount that maybe it is because of my lazy reading habit, nowadays, due to school schedules.
I should know why I am not motivated because this is my body and I own it, but I should realize—and I am in the process of seeking answers—that there are things yet to unfold by the events itself and not by the self. I am stubborn and impatient, so waiting really does not suit me. I have done things to overcome these moral attitudes, but I have known that I have not yet given my best to improve it. I fear, honestly, that I will miss these moral attitudes that I possess and, I question myself, is it really fear of everything I do that locks my motivation?
What I know is that it is my choice that I do not shake myself for the stagnant situation and state I am in today. I am responsible for every choice I make and, unconsciously, it seems that I have made this choice for myself.
Am I not happy with I do?
I have added this statement to the reflection I see. I calculate the possibilities of losing the drive I once have, but I always get the zero answer. I have rested and awakened, and I have paused and played. Still, I feel like I am missing something; like a void waiting to be filled with light and stars.
I do not know what is happening, but I know one day I will solve it—maybe not by myself, but who knows! I will solve it not because I have to, but because I want to. I do not want to be a mournful human doing nothing, but crying because frustration is taking over his body. I am stronger than that—if not better. Today, I let the rivers carry me anywhere they go, but I never let my mind go with the flow of the cold water that is trying to take over.
Low motivation sets your mind into contemplation and offers you to weigh the natures you have in your life.
I love mirrors.